"With" and "for"

Language can be really tricky. 

We'll say things thinking it's for the best but before we know it we have formed quite the destructive habit.  Our approaches to life altered, our relationships misdefined. There's something to be said for intention but not enough gets said for outcome. I think my awareness is heightened because I deal with words a lot and, at one point, I got really good at "saying the right thing". 

"Saying the right thing" essentially means: 1. Saying the thing that gets the response YOU want. (Pretty egoistic and manipulative, for real) 2. Saying the thing that least offends or challenges a person (so not honesty, and not really ever conversation/connection either).

Aight, so just a little general and personal context there.

Now let's dig into the idea that the title raises.

For me, the small but crucial words that I had to identify are "with" and "for". I feel that every person has a few of these crucial words.  Some that get said too much that shape action detrimentally and some that we don't say nearly enough that could reverse bad habits.  (Trust me, Yall got 'em...just think about it for a second).

"For" was my too often word.  Just about everything I was saying or doing was FOR somebody and never for myself.  Unbeknownst to me, approaching my interactions this way created a false expectation where most people didn't feel accountable for their part in communication.  Essentially, because I had taken responsibility for their part in it, to let them off the hook so to speak.

Note: All communication is a two way process and if someone can't make the same effort to be clear and present that you are...they can kick rocks.

So my too little word was "with".  Because I was doing all I could to do things FOR people I hadn't explored what I was able to do with some of these folk.  For me, "with" implies support, collaboration, mutual effort and willingness.  It also, and maybe most importantly, alludes to how deserving someone/something is of your energy.

What all this boils down to is the efficient and productive investment of your energy, which is the most precious thing you possess. Also, sometimes what you say may come with rough edges and a little fire. That's ok. There will be moments where some softness is best. Just know that you will never be able to appease people's sensibilities and trying to will drain your energy. Inevitibly, someone will be offended or won't feel precisely where you are coming from. All you can do is to try purely to articulate what is true to you and what you feel.

Reversing habits and speaking up are not for the weak. 

Be prepared to disappoint yourself a few times but always keep in mind how much better you feel when you prioritize your energy and self care first.

So Brotha Rob is throwing out a challenge. Find out what you small but crucial words are and shift accordingly. I assure you it will make a huge difference.