A look back...

What up family! With this post I decided to dig in the crates, so to speak. I came across one of my pieces from a past failed effort at blogging and, turns out, it resonanted. Also, I think its good for us to look back at who we've been and how we've felt, hence the pic of me circa '08-'09. The poorly bearded, naive bastard you see in the pic was a trip! That confused look on my face about sums up life at that particular stage. I was about a year out from graduation and had no idea what was in store for me, but I would get the occasional inspirational spark and felt driven to jot it down. So, with this bit of perspective given, below is the intact blog post I created almost 10 years ago. No changes made at all. Sincerely perserved to capture that essence of realization and unexplainable wonderment.

I hope you can gain something from it. Peace.

Thank God for Tough Times and Uncontrollable Circumstances

Life is too hard sometimes but it never stops being beautiful. To be honest, that beauty is often found when the world drops that insanely heavy load of bull on our shoulders.

Those particularly annoying and frustrating instances when a job opportunity falls through or when that person you dig doesn’t dig you back or when you held on to that last dollar so you could have proof that you’re not completely broke……that kind of stuff….at least for me.

But there’s a kind of rewarding clarity that comes after a time that doesn’t seem to run out of stuff to throw at us. It’s a clarity that would never come if we didn’t have these ultra-humbling moments that tackle us into submission. I know I’m stubborn and a little slow at times, and I don’t catch the hints that I’m getting as I’m knocked around by my circumstances.

I can give you a glimpse of how it goes most times. Stage 1 is me convincing myself that I “gotta suck it up and deal with it” (which is true in a lot of ways) but ironically I end up doing that by ignoring the feeling that I may be getting overwhelmed. Stage 2 is me reluctantly admitting to myself that I’ve been ignoring some jabs at my spirit that are meant to inform me that I should probably be still and relax for a second instead of inviting busyness…..still I only half-heartedly address what I’m going through. Ah, and Stage 3, stage 3 is me being “taken down” by whatever I was dealing with (it’s always kind of funny in hindsight, but during it’s like being tormented).

In this eye-opening stage I am essentially immobilized. I think too much about meaningless stuff and not enough about what really matters, I seem driven to be destructive (and not in the mayhem/take it out on the world way, just not doing what’s best for me; although breaking a window or two crossed my mind….) (*clears throat*) and all the good things about life are faint, if recognizable at all. It is a trying moment where Light and reassurance and joy are pretty scarce. And then….Beauty Appears (almost as if it drops out of the sky or something…..or more realistically like a crack that appears in the sidewalk when you trying to walk real cool) (Yall know what I’m talking about, that’s happened to everybody). First it appears in a thought that just doesn’t have the usual tinge of darkness or doubts and then it’s in the unexpected phone call from a genuinely good friend that I forgot I had while I was trippin.

And then an opportunity to do something I love pops up and more importantly I’m in tuned enough to acknowledge and accept it. Then, and this is what lets me know I’ve weathered a difficult storm, I can “see” God and “hear” his instruction and it doesn’t have a sense of disappointment or judgment or shame attached to it. Its freedom, thanks in large part to a huge dose of humility. And this microcosm of experiences as seen through my life is really life for everyone. There are ups and downs, moments of having it together and moments of having nothing…..it’s that uncontrollable.

I think that life runs on two specific ideas or concepts: Balance and Faith.

Balance puts us in a position to be aware of the natural ebb and flow of life and the unavoidable fact that life is a mixture of good and bad. Faith sustains us in both good and bad (and faith is much more than a religious expression, it is a will to live; like truly live and not hide from truth but to confront all things in boldness). With these things intact life sometimes being hard is as natural to deal with as the weather being iffy at times…we just deal with it. And like the weather, faith works with good and bad somewhat similarly in that we appreciated warm days because of the cold ones and cold ones because of the warm ones…..we need it all.

So if you’re in a difficult time expect to rise up from it with a little extra wisdom in your pocket and if you happen to be riding high and feeling dope don’t let a time of opposite feelings break you because it’s just meant to keep you on your toes. Be blessed!

AnkhRob is staying in prayer for you!